Study Finds 83% of ICE Agents Took the Job Because Raids Are the Only Time They Get to Touch Women
2 in 3 ICE Hires Came From Targeted Ads on Dating Apps for Men With Zero Matches
Lynchburg, Virginia — A new study released by Liberty University reveals that over 80% of Immigration & Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents chose the profession because it was a guaranteed path to touching women.
In fact, “physical contact during arrests accounts for 93% of ICE agents’ annual human interaction,” researchers confirmed. “It’s also when their only eye contact with females takes place.”
The study found a strong link between low dating app match rates and ICE academy enrollment. In fact, 2 out of 3 recent ICE hires were from a job ad on dating apps targeted at men with zero matches. Notably, the highly successful ad featured an image of President Trump, with a caption that read:
“Wanna grab ‘em by the pussy!? When you're ICE, they let you do it!”
“Look, I’m not pleasant to look at and I'm not good at flirting,” said one ICE officer. “But if I break down your door at 4 a.m. and grab you, I feel like I’ve made a connection. There’s something about a terrified woman screaming in fear that just makes me feel seen.”
“I used to be a TSA screener,” said another ICE agent, “but with that job you don’t get to show up unannounced. Women wouldn't even get in my security line at LAX. People missed flights by choice.”
Lead researcher Dr. Alexis Knapp explained the findings.
“For many agents, the raid isn’t about detaining immigrants, it’s about detaining feelings of rejection,” Knapp stated. “ICE offers unattractive, creepy men with fragile masculinity a rare, government-funded opportunity for court-admissible touching.”
Additionally, although ICE representatives insist their face coverings are for “officer safety” and “operational integrity,” researchers rejected this claim outright.
“The masks aren’t to hide identities,” Dr. Knapp said. “They hide faces no one wants to see in a well-lit room — faces that are just unbearably unattractive. It’s just too bad God didn’t make all mean people ugly.”